Don't You Know Who I Am?

Which Comes First -- Anger or Malady?

Does spiritual sickness bring on resentment -- or does resentment cause spiritual dysfunction? The co-authors of the Big Book knew the answer.

A whole chain of events that brings our downfall, begins with one thing: RESENTMENT. Once we allow it to have its way with us, then the only thing we pack into the stream of life is selfishness, self-centered and narcissistic behaviors, stepping on everyone’s toes all along the way as we plummet deeper and deeper into the abyss, spiraling toward our death. It blinds and it binds.

T'ain't pretty. Its especially ugly when we waive Big Books, Inventory Sheets and flash sobriety medallions all the way down the hole.

It is out of resentment that comes every manifestation of spiritual sickness imaginable. Alcoholism included.

Alcoholism inducing spiritual disease does not stem from crappy environments. It doesn’t originate out of “instincts gone wild” or other peoples “instincts gone wild”. It doesn’t arise out of poor upbringing or mistreatment. It isn’t a product of unfortunate genetics.

It stems from resentment. Ours. No one else’s and no ‘thing’ else. There are many offensive elements in the world but it is resentment that is the prime offender.

This is the point that the magnificent spiritual text, story and prayer book, “Alcoholics Anonymous: The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism” makes on page 64 in this disarming, chronological order:

“Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick.” (64:3)

So often we skimp over this simple sequence and look instead at the off-shooting symptoms and effects of our angers and resentful indulgences in order to avoid looking at the single cause: “Resentment”. That negative, almost electrical charge of destructive energy that we unwittingly invite into our psyches to feed and nurture our unearned sense of esteem and importance. Its the thing that rises up, nourished with hate, and tells our fellows, "You don't know who you are fucking with!" -- and means it.

If we would never get angry we never would judge -- If we would never judge we would never play God --- if we never play God then we would never divorce ourselves from Him -- if we never divorced/separated from Him we would never feel the pain (guilt) of it -- and if we never felt guilt (pain) we would never have to seek relief – if we never sought relief from the pain we would never engage in all of the stupid, conscience numbing behaviors that we use to maintain our imagined God like status of Lord-Judge. How pathetic we are.

We might cry, "If only I could get-well spiritually then I would be less (angry, irritable) resentful.” Not true. Is an easy trap to fall into. It’s backwards of the truth and one-hundred and eighty degrees counter-supportive of the Big Book idea - the one that tells us it is resentment that sets off our troubles.

When we learn how to properly handle resentment first, we then defeat spiritual disease, recover and develop immunity to further relapse back into spiritual sickness.

The moment we justify resentment we allow it to poison us and to block us off from the Sunlight of the Spirit. We lose that immunity. Nip it there, in that moment, and we stay in that Light.

This is where Step Eleven meditation does it's thing. In the "now". There is nothing more required than that. It serves as a tool to help remind us throughout the day to overcome resentment by not allowing it to overcome us.

Peace & Love

Danny S – RLRA

Real Live Recovered Alcoholic

http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com

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Selfishness, Dishonesty, Resentment, and Fear” -- Are We Geting Lost In "Crop" Circles?

They are always sitting on the doorstep. It’s their job! It’s part of the order of the universe. So when exactly do "these" Crop up?

Any ardent Twelve Step practitioner who has gotten intimate with his own Big Book knows that “these” are “selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear” (84:2).

Knowing that these are always ‘when’s and not ‘if’s is a familiar exercise for those of us on this path.

But what about this 'cropping up' part. What’s a “crop up”?

Often it is making the distinction between the when’s and the if’s that raises some questions and worries with protégées. Not understanding the distinction leads many men (and women) that I work with into doubt and despair, even while diligently working their program. That is partially because we often do not understanding just what “crop up” means.

Once we are working Step Eleven, our awareness begins to develop and it grows in leaps and bound.

Sometimes the very awareness of the forces that lie in wait to rip us up can have us before long saying, “What is wrong with me! This shit never goes away!” What am I doing wrong?” 

Maybe nothing.

If I were aligned with the Devil, I would want you to think you were always wrong.

The closer you got to truth, the harder I would try to convince you to stop seeing your faults and errors. I would divert your own progress on the spiritual path into thinking there was something wrong with you for recognizing that there is anything wrong in the world.

I would try to convince you that you were being judgmental and spiritually sick every time you noticed error in others -- even when you were not being malicious.

That would be tantamount to teaching you that God’s guidance and Gods will is vice. I would use trite expressions that mimic spiritual profundity, like, “Every time you point a finger at me, there a three more fingers pointing back at you” in order to deflect and hide my flaws from you. I might even resort to the puerile “I’m rubber your glue” but I would camouflage such childish principles the spiritual sounding theories of the Pantheism - like Karma and “Law(s) of Attraction” and the like.

I would denigrate your own developing humility and I would make you question it. Doubt it. I would accuse you of being lacking. I would tell you that you were egotistical and not worthy of your awareness. I would make you believe that simply seeing “selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear” as these attempts to “crop up” mean that you have already embraced theme and is indicative of your own spiritual illness.

To the extent that I succeeded, you would beat yourself up over it and you would begin to develop means for suppressing your own awareness.

And then you would be lost -- lost in a "crop" circle -- forever blaming our own intuitive gift and God inspiration for our troubles by resenting the very light that shows you truth. 

Just what constitutes a bona fide, Step Ten, Big Book Issue “Crop Up” of the order necessitating a Step Ten procedure - that four-point Step Ten course on page 84 that follows the ‘crop up’?

“When these crop” (84:2) up necessitates an understanding of a “when” actually is. If not, we might be on the phone and meeting for coffee with sponsors and ‘fellows’ and crossing little old ladies across streets like crazed Boy Scouts - around the clock. 

Don’t worry - the confusion is easy enough to see through.

Selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear - always sitting on the doorstep. It’s their job! It’s part of the order of the universe.

These temptations (toward judgment) never leave their stations. They are supposed to be there, just waiting for the opportunity to “crop up” inside our “house” (our 'selves'). Don’t ever think that the slinking, dark predator has gone away -- that you have become so spiritual that they have flown the coop. That's a lie.

Their very existence, that they always remain, is a truth that unless we realize, we may always fall for the trap of emotional reaction having been caught unaware each time they make their presence known to us. An upsetting, irritating realization is enough for them to have their way with us. It will empower them to “crop up”. Again. And again. . . . and . . . . .

A dispassionate, God aligned 'seeing' does not have this effect. Discernment that is contaminated by negativity prevents the "crop up".

That these forces are there and are never not there, obviously something cannot “crop up” if it’s already there. It is a mistake to resent knowing the truth. To fear and to resent fear and resentment is a spiritual irony and one of cruelest tricks of evil.

To struggle against them turns into a self centered “spiritual” enterprise and making excuses for being so self-absorbed is dishonest. What a mess!

“Cropping up” therefore must mean much more than merely being there. It does. It means gaining entrance inside the door. It means “sudden appearance” (1938 definition) It means cropping up inside the house. Not merely standing outside the door.

The consciousness, the seeing that these things await, is not a CROP UP. That awareness is the gift of discernment that exists prior to the “crop up”, before the “suddenly appearing” on our side of the threshold.

For example: Joe sees Frank make a right turn without signaling. Being aware, and having experience (through mediation), he notices the feeling of that ''electrical charge" of annoyance (resentment) beginning presenting itself. He just notices it. He knows what it is. He does not get 'involved' with it. His awareness and experience with objective. dispassionate vision allow this negative force of resentment to pass. He is aware but he is unscathed. It has not engulfed him in anger. In this case resentment has not cropped up. AND unless we are like Joe, we will forever be getting lost in the “crop circles” of errors.

And every time we sense what is sinister hovering outside we are still able to avoid them washing over us with waves of impatience, irritation, and annoyance – but every time we feel any of these energies we will then be compelled to exhibit these traits themselves because . . . . . BAM! . . . . . we have allowed them in . Then it is too late. 

At least we can wait for the next opportunity to get it right, finally.

We have no choice but to objectively see them with dispassionate vision. Not a suppressed vision, but unemotional, unflustered discernment -- seeing these things for the cunning, destructive and deceptive intelligent traps they are and the horror that stands right behind them. It’s the only way they stay out in the cold.

Many of us even [resent the resentment for seeing the resentment.]

It is unnecessary. It is a gift of God’s vision to see resentment – to see fear – to see all forms of temptation when it “crops up”.

So there is no need to be upset with any of these negative forces when the sit waiting to discharge their nefarious purpose. They are merely fulfilling their duties to serve their hellish existence. If we let them – in. Once we resent, fear or deny any of them, then they have succeeded.

The only defense we have from that which would otherwise "crop up" - selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear - is letting God show them to us before they do crop up and and not resent being shown. When they are exposed to us through the dispassionate, natural gift of discernment we can be nonreactive and patient with the people who deliver these terrors to us. That is love. And those ‘hateful’ traits are always overcome by such patience for others.

Failing that we will identify with those horrors and pass them onto others as they have been passed onto us. By exercising our gift of discernment, seeing the forces that wait on our door step for what they are -- forgiving them before they attempt to “crop up” -- is our protection. We will be OK.

So there. This might sound like bad news for some of us protégée addicted guru's – but it comes as good news for the awakened traveler because now you see that we must "discuss them with someone immediately" pertains only to those things that "crop up" - and crop up isn’t every single temptation that comes along.

You haven’t called your sponsor today? That’s might be OK after all – when we are spiritually balanced and objective. Being awake and aware through a Twelve Step friendly meditation will help us with that.

Peace and Love

Danny S – RLRA

Real Live Recovered Alcoholic

http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com

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Trapped Into Other People's "AHA!"s

If ever there were a case to be made for recovered alcoholics to make finding a Step Eleven Meditation that is not tied to any organized spiritual movements, philosophies, gurus teachers or personalities, a number on priory, then it lies in one simple fact:

We do not need anyone else spirituality. We can access spiritually that is personal to ourselves through our own God consciousness and we cannot safely rely on others for it.

Spirituality, the kind spoken of by the ancients doesn't require any 'readings' or the gleaning of wisdom from others philosophies.

(If you knew how hard I am trying at this very moment to not tag this phenomenon as Other Peoples Philosophies 'O.P.P.' -- you would put this article down immediately and go pick up a good Stephen King novel or go watch Dr. Oz)

I know it may seem noble and we can give the appearance of being humble when we say that “we don’t have all the answers ourselves” . It's like "Awh shucks . . . I'm so dumb . . .I must be humble huh? . . . aher aher."

Then it seems there is need to tap the spiritual philosophies of others – but when an ‘other’ isn’t God, but instead is another human being – that is not humility at all. That is placing the precepts of man before God.

We are to be humble in this sense before God – not humble before other men – when we help others with whom we at par, we are really then serving God, not the man.

What seems to be self-‘helpful’ in trying to purloin the spirituality of other folks through self-help movements, gurus and spiritual guides, is really not as beneficial as we hope it will be. There is a paradox in that such ambitious seeking is counterproductive to spiritual growth while we unwittingly build a wall of self-will between us and God.

We turn our lives into a spiritual burlesque show, chasing self-help rainbows as we make mockery of truth. People see the hypocrisy and not getting the reverence we so desperately and undeservedly crave from them we sink lower and lower into resentment and despair.

That is because the hours spent accumulating knowledge about someone else’s “aha’ moments could have been spent living in Gods world, downloading His spirituality (Step Eleven) through our own willingness to do so and doing His will through the knowledge and Power gifted to us.

Your OWN spirituality, you will find as you go on, will be hindered and blocked , displaced entirely by 'teachings' and philosophies found through spiritual books and teachers.

This is the exact opposite of what you had hoped for. Even if they speak ‘truth’ you won’t be able to live that truth from within – and you will find yourself continually outsourcing for your spirituality instead of "in" sourcing it from deep within where God can dwell (If we let Him – yes, there is that God-given power of choice. He only real decision that be made.) Books and teachers of spirituality promise to lead us to it and it seems that they ought to be able to but then they never ever do. Because they can’t . The best spiritual philosophy is no spiritual philosophy – just a blank canvass on which your Creator can draw and write His own plan – and then THAT becomes the philosophy we can call “ours too”.

Let me please make this point: I am a recovered alcoholic. I had a spiritual awakening as the result of the Twelve Steps so magnificently delineated in the magnificent spiritual text, story and prayer book, “Alcoholics Anonymous: The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism”. I have been meditating for over thirty years and I can attest - through a life being well-lived that Step Eleven meditation, unencumbered by spiritual theories, philosophies or POP spiritual movements that conflict with the principles discussed in the book – has freed me from the all forms of bondage - even bondage to the Big Book. I am free to use that book as it was intended.

I do not decide to agree with what is book -- what is written in the Big Book agrees with me. It’s all written in there already (Just like Scripture) And that is how I know that it can trusted and safely used as an effective spiritual tool for helping others get to the same place I am. I get zero inspiration out of the Big Book. It wasn't written for that purpose either. There is no need to ‘follow’ what is written in the any book buy appreciation for what is written as it stand as testimony to what is already in our hearts can be a source of tremendous gratitude.

The Big Book co-authors warned its readers to be wary of religious people when they propose that we go to them for some suggestions on reading materials ,

“There are many helpful books also. Suggestions about these may be obtained from one's priest, minister, or rabbi. Be quick to see where religious people are right. Make use of what they offer.” (87:2)

Some people see this as a blank check for open-mindedness but what it they really find in this snippet of text is a quick justification for naïveté. Within context it is easy to see that this Big Book statement is more of caveat entreating the reader to quickly weight the true for the false when allying with religious folk.

When I read this I come away with, “OK Dan, you got no religion per-se and this is spiritual kindergarten, and you have to start somewhere, and w don’t know what the heck we are doing yet - so go find some rabbis priests or ministers and see what books they might recommend. BUT BE CAREFUL! Don’t get stuck with clerics." and so the tendency is to get my summer-reading list and "Scram, boy!”

Other folks come away with “Hey man, it says here that every spacey stared author with a chant, a puffy shirt and a velvet bag of crystals is cool!”

There are some good priests, rabbis and preachers who know truth and are able to steer us toward it. But any message whether by minster, swami or talking dog - that steers us away from “KNOW THAT I AM GOD” and instead tells us to “Yes, God is God but KNOW THAT YOU ARE GOD TOO” appeals to an inner dark alien nature we know as “ego”.

Feel free to call ‘it’ by its other name too: Pride

For many of us there comes a natural sense of YECH! FEH! whenever we encounter such spirituality counter-intuitive humanism. Maybe even a "Bleh!" too. For others it is a smooth, seductive, “Yes, yes, oh God . . . . tell me more about how Godly I REALLY am!” . . . . Shudder . . . . .

I get all "Blech-feh!" just thinking about it.

And hence we have a plethora of non-Judeo- Christian, POP- spirituality movements (Pantheism) all over the place, on PBS, on The New York Times best sellers list, on poor Oprah’s set – latched onto by an audience of folk who if approached would swear up and down that, “I am NOT God”. Yet in real-time follow disinclines and practice hypnotic meditations and absorb philosophical books that implant suggestions just to the opposite. They don’t even know it is happening and are dumbfounded by their increased levels of restlessness irritability and discontentment leading to health issues and horrendous relationships with loved ones, families and associates and an existence wrought with more and more bedevilments.

The Big Book’s “Page Fifty-Two Syndrome” sets in and life sucks – continues to suck and just gets suckier and suckier as time goes on. And it seems so undeserving – after all, “I am so spiritual.” Some of us even resort to anger with God under such conditions.

When we get 'right' in ourselves with God through conscious contact with Him first, then we get all the guidance, inspiration, direction via intuitive understanding -- without the taint of human 'intervention' - by 'going direct' to our Creator. Do that and you won’t need books and spiritual guides anymore. You don’t need to read my blog, consult with spiritual manuals or guides – our Father will be the Guide without the egotistically handicapped hand of any man to contaminate it. They might need you --- but you won’t need them. And then like me, whether they are right or wrong won’t matter anymore because they will be seen for what they are: irrelevant. You do not want to be a “follower” of anybody my dear friend.

It’s a simpler life too than one constantly struggling to acquire the right spiritual principles through the right spiritual leaders, too because then you don’t have to evaluate them, whether THEY are coming from the right place - is THERE ego in check - are THEY being properly humble - what books to THEY read - who is THEIR guide - where do they get THEIR spiritual info from -- none of this ambitions concern will matter to you because YOU will be coming from the right place and that is all you or I or anyone will ever need to live life as God wills it.

We dont have to pay retail. If we “go direct” to the Manufacturer and skip the all the middlemen then all that complication and decision making goes away and there is a real walk in that Sunlight of the Universe that doesn’t come from someone else’s understanding. It does not get entangled with the alien force of negative energy we think is us, but isn’t. Instead it comes from within, from God. Of course that idea doesn't sit well with flock addicted spiritualists and - nor to their sleeping sheep. There's comfort in their dreams. But who gives a flying crumb?

Peace & Love

Danny S – RLRA

Real Live Recovered Alcoholic

http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com

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