Don't You Know Who I Am?

Which Comes First -- Anger or Malady?

Does spiritual sickness bring on resentment -- or does resentment cause spiritual dysfunction? The co-authors of the Big Book knew the answer.

A whole chain of events that brings our downfall, begins with one thing: RESENTMENT. Once we allow it to have its way with us, then the only thing we pack into the stream of life is selfishness, self-centered and narcissistic behaviors, stepping on everyone’s toes all along the way as we plummet deeper and deeper into the abyss, spiraling toward our death. It blinds and it binds.

T'ain't pretty. Its especially ugly when we waive Big Books, Inventory Sheets and flash sobriety medallions all the way down the hole.

It is out of resentment that comes every manifestation of spiritual sickness imaginable. Alcoholism included.

Alcoholism inducing spiritual disease does not stem from crappy environments. It doesn’t originate out of “instincts gone wild” or other peoples “instincts gone wild”. It doesn’t arise out of poor upbringing or mistreatment. It isn’t a product of unfortunate genetics.

It stems from resentment. Ours. No one else’s and no ‘thing’ else. There are many offensive elements in the world but it is resentment that is the prime offender.

This is the point that the magnificent spiritual text, story and prayer book, “Alcoholics Anonymous: The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism” makes on page 64 in this disarming, chronological order:

“Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick.” (64:3)

So often we skimp over this simple sequence and look instead at the off-shooting symptoms and effects of our angers and resentful indulgences in order to avoid looking at the single cause: “Resentment”. That negative, almost electrical charge of destructive energy that we unwittingly invite into our psyches to feed and nurture our unearned sense of esteem and importance. Its the thing that rises up, nourished with hate, and tells our fellows, "You don't know who you are fucking with!" -- and means it.

If we would never get angry we never would judge -- If we would never judge we would never play God --- if we never play God then we would never divorce ourselves from Him -- if we never divorced/separated from Him we would never feel the pain (guilt) of it -- and if we never felt guilt (pain) we would never have to seek relief – if we never sought relief from the pain we would never engage in all of the stupid, conscience numbing behaviors that we use to maintain our imagined God like status of Lord-Judge. How pathetic we are.

We might cry, "If only I could get-well spiritually then I would be less (angry, irritable) resentful.” Not true. Is an easy trap to fall into. It’s backwards of the truth and one-hundred and eighty degrees counter-supportive of the Big Book idea - the one that tells us it is resentment that sets off our troubles.

When we learn how to properly handle resentment first, we then defeat spiritual disease, recover and develop immunity to further relapse back into spiritual sickness.

The moment we justify resentment we allow it to poison us and to block us off from the Sunlight of the Spirit. We lose that immunity. Nip it there, in that moment, and we stay in that Light.

This is where Step Eleven meditation does it's thing. In the "now". There is nothing more required than that. It serves as a tool to help remind us throughout the day to overcome resentment by not allowing it to overcome us.

Peace & Love

Danny S – RLRA

Real Live Recovered Alcoholic

http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com