Rescued From Guilt

 'Guilt Management' is like "Anger Management". It always fails while permitting more and more underlying damage to go unchecked.  


We spend a lifetime trying to rid ourselves of guilt. That is because it is always easier to consider effects rather than looking at causes.

Truths, of anything, are quite a bit harder to accept than popular belief. Yet, it happens all the time, in medicine, as well as in spiritual matters; anywhere humans are trying to get well; we get hung up treating effects rather than causes. And so it happens with guilt.

Sometimes we can be tricked into thinking that what really is resentment is guilt. IE. A mothers 'guilt' trip upon a child. In that case it is resenting mother which brings on guilt. Guilt is not what blocks anyone off from God. It is God's call to unblock what is already blocked. The block is caused by resentment - not guilt.

Immediately prior to guilt is judgment (God play). That is where you have been blocked off - not by guilt. By the time guilt is felt you have ‘already’ been God separated.

Guilt is the pain of that separation. It is the effect of judgment and what you feel for having judged (play God); and from where comes all that unexplained restless irritability discontent, anxiety, depression ect.

This happens at levels of which you are not always conscious.

Go further in: Immediately before judgment (God play) is resentment .  .  .  .  the negative emotion which kicks ff a sequence of spiraling descent that always end up in obsession and unhappiness.

Here's the order: First, resentment. Then, judgment. Then guilt. Finally, seeking solutions for the pain of the guilt. Those solutions will provide anesthetic, pleasurable white-noise to drown-out and hide the pain. Food and sex are the primary devices. But these attempts to squelch the pain do not stop it at its source. We develop more and more need to compensate as the pressures mount - we get worse.

 Convinced that guilt is a cause of difficulties you will trying first to get rid of guilt without getting down to what went before it to cause it in the first place.  When life begins to fall apart for having indulged instead of getting down to the cause of un-manageability, we will resort to treating the symptoms; a very dangerous and sly misdirection by a nefarious, mischievous ego.

Ego loves to believe it can manage things, ridding itself of guilt and character flaws even praying for their removal so it can take credit for the diagnosis; having identified them and asked God to assist in the cure. "I did all the work God, all the self-analysis and inventories - now you go ahead and remove it!" as if He were the garbage collector.  "There there, that's a good little God". (pat pat pat)

It is imperative to get to causes and not seek to correct effects - which are merely bedeviling symptoms of what is really wrong.

The co-authors of the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous were aware of the spiritual principles regulating the sequence of man's spiritual failure when they said, "From it (resentment) stem all forms of spiritual disease,". (64:3) 

These spiritually awakened and inspired ex-problem drinkers weren't kidding!

As it turns out, what is really wrong is that we resent at all. All bitterness, anger, frustration, even petty annoyances initiate all spiritual dysfunction and all misery, unhappiness, discomfort and disorder that follow are just effects. A pained conscience is the evidence that we have turned our backs on God.

Just as the pain of placing a hand on a hot stove saves the cook from burning to death, guilt painfully calls us back to God and saves us from spiritual death. It tells us that we have stepped out of the God guided Sunlight of the Spirit' that we have veered off the Road of Happy Destiny  - into the shadowing, unpaved bramble where life is not longer a guided journey; where it is turned into directionless misadventure governed by unmanageability, chance and random fate. 

Guilt does not need to be fixed. It needs to be felt in order that we may get pushed back to reconnect with a loving God who sends it. The idea that guilt is some useless emotion or psychic boogieman is  false. As long as you believe that then you will never be able to get beyond effects to guilt's causes.

Guilt is a lifesaver; not the life destroyer ego wants us to believe it is.

Guilty conscience is the single, most powerful evidence mankind has, that God exists and it is an important way for us "kids" to experience His fatherly, corrective love. Resenting guilt is resenting God.  It is not our pains that we need to be saved from.

It is the dark nature in us which loves anger, loves to hate and relishes languishing in bitter vitriol and self-importance - forces from which we all need to be saved. That liberation is not anything we can do for ourselves.Gods judgement, as it turns out is actually God's love' something to be embraced - not resented or  rejected.

Peace and Love,

Danny S - RLRA

Real Live Recovered Alcoholic

http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com

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Rescued From Stress

 "The first thing apparent was that this world
and its people were often quite wrong" (65:2)

‎"The first principle of success is that you should never be angry." ~"Alcoholics Anonymous" p 111


Eliminate anger and all our problems drop away. The Big Book co-authors demonstrated their understanding of this spiritual Principle when they said, “If we were to live, we had to be free of anger."  (66:2)

We may infer from this that unless we are liberated from anger, we will die.

'Being' free from anger is not the same as ‘getting’ free from it – and therein lies the trap into which so many of us fall.  Getting free implies effort and effort invokes will. Being free implies that freedom comes to us as we are liberated - without effort; without the use of our own will.

"This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him?
 God save me from being angery. Thy will be done."

Anger, suppressed negative emotions, hatred – call it anything you wish - feeds the ego-self, contaminating the spirit, the mind and eventually the body – to the point of mental insanity, physical sickness and finally death. And all the way down we slide living through bedeviling misfortune we are sure we do not deserve - wondering, "Why God?!"

God does not cut us off  - we sever spiritual flow ourselves by playing Him and we do that each and every time we improperly meet a situation with resentment.  It leaves us rudderless, frightened and desperate for answers.

From the annoying mosquito in the room to the deadly car bomb exploding in the busy square - when we respond with anger, annoyance or frustration . . . that is judging and playing God in the process – which sets us apart from Him. That is where all the pain and suffering comes from. That's why we drank. That's why engage in any sensual distraction. 

"The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us.
 They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics
these things are poison."

As we suffer anger's unpleasing effects; anxiety, depression, and physical ailments related to food and sex, we might search for solutions in hopes of restoring health and appearances.  Armed with the discovery that stress is what is killing us we feel enlightened and seek to rearrange or manage the stresses that are around us. 

The idea that we might somehow manage anger becomes an appealing idea. Don't waste your time.

Clinical means for controlling emotions such as Anger Management is a deceptive lie to which many of those still suffering from spiritual illness fall prey.

Just look at today's cable TV programming and self-help infomercials and you will see 'experts' attempt to address the subject. They do not tell us how to become resilient to stress. They don't know how. They can only treat effects; not causes.

Instead they propose that the negative effects of  stress ought to be reduced through diet, exercise, behavioral modification, self-hypnosis (Sometimes disguised as spiritual meditations) – even "rough" sex is suggested as a technique to vent hostility and channel negative emotions out of us. (And into others) without ever getting to a real answer to our problems. 

Drugs like anti-depressants and hormonal therapies are available to the totally lazy or those already physically incapacitated by the debilitating effects of out of control emotions.

Human-aid 'treatments' are all temporary solutions to a permanent problem. 

What? You thought things were going to get better? Stress, appearing as resentment, anger, bitterness, isn't going to go away. Not in this lifetime it isn't. It will always be waiting on the doorstep, posed and ready to crop up inside.  It is our legacy as humans to endure and learn patience.

Stressful events will change as surely as the seasons will, but they will always be replaced by new events with new stresses - new seasons continue to stream on in the passage of time. Stresses are always upon us and we are never without the heat of a summer or the cold of a winter.

Not only is a "This too shall pass" not written in the Bible, but as it turns out, isn't even true. Not within the context, we would like to believe, anyway.

In this world of "feel good' pseudo-spirituality it can come as a shocker to realize that this too shall never pass. 

You, as well as your husband, ought to think of
what you can put into life instead of how much you can take out.

The best for which we can ever hope is that we learn a style of living that makes us resilient to it inevitable force upon us. 

That resiliency can be found in Step Eleven of The Twelve Steps which suggests a solution that is much simpler than any of the human aids provided by the psyche mechanics who may hold impressive degrees and paper pedigrees but who are meddling in matterd they are ill equipped to understand or control. Their own intellects and ambitions form barriers to real helpfulness. 

There is not so much psychology to it. There is no magic mantra or relaxation discipline. There is no magic recovery group, sponsor, pill or knowledge.

There is simply letting go of it. Stop fighting anyone and everything. Give up anger. That’s all there is to it. Simple. Not easy - but it is vital.  If you will try the meditation exercise at the top of this page you will see just how simple it is.

Peace and Love,

Danny S - RLRA

Real Live Recovered Alcoholic

http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com

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How Sick Our Secrets?

No one gets away with agnosticism – being separated from God -  for long without the symptoms of this spiritual disease mounting. As they grow and evolve they cause some bedeviling problems many of which are enumerated on page fifty two of the magnificently spiritual "How To" book, "Alcoholics Anonymous". 


Sometimes I'll joke that wet or dry, the still spiritually diseased alcoholic could just as well abuse a ham sandwich as he could alcohol. 

That is because people have ‘obsessions’ we that we may never see – or bother to care about, since they do not inconvenience us - or until they upset us. In ourselves or in others; this is the case.

Some people are obsessed with their work. Others money, controlling people, volunteerism, sex - you name it; the list is long. Any of them can become converted from perfunctory and natural into behaviors that are self-centered, self-serving finally addictive. 

"Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness?
Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead?"

Anything we do in order to gain undue sense of self-worth (pride); to “feel good", rather than for its ordinary purpose – in other words, ‘abused’ - eventually becomes an obsession. Unless the source of need for the compensating activity is removed, the behavior will never go away.

It may get switched around to other obsessive behaviors. Why do you think someone who quits smoking must turn to food; gains weight? Or why nicotine, caffeine and even sugar are the new substances of abuse  for so many ex-problem drinkers and former drug addicts? It isn't purely for the social benefits those drugs deliver-  I can tell you that!

Food, sex are only the chiefly visible ones.  Judgment, hating are some of the 'inner' ones. 

Eventually even these solutions become un-containable and begin to leak, creating problems in getting along with people. Even maintenance of  physical health gets more and more difficult as our bodies evolve and succumb to our self-inflicted, abusive obsessions. 

Most people maintain a more socially acceptable array of ‘secret’ obsessive behaviors. It is only when they become visible and affect how others see us (Usually in a poor light) does it ever dawn on us that maybe something about us is undesirable and maybe needs to change. (Or else we better hide it at the very least) But by then it is too late, we’re hooked.  

You have probably heard the expression, "I am as sick as my secrets". Perhaps now you can see how correct this adage is.

Just because someone has no flagrantly offensive obsessions do not think for a moment that they are not secretly managing some.  There is no such thing as as alcoholic who does not suppress anger.

Get to know someone intimately and you'll soon discover their secret obsessions. That's why the more self-centered a person is, the more difficulty they have establishing any enduring relationship with a mate.  Once their imperfections are revealed mounting bitterness overwhelms the 'pleasures'  of the partnership until someone finally 'runs away'. Eventually only sex is the glue and then finally even that won’t be enough to hold two people together. Someone has got to bolt.

Now you know the origins of the expression that "Tis absence, however, that makes the heart grow fonder". But you can also see that as Aesop observed that "Familiarity breeds contempt." 

"I would have the elements of a way of living
which answered all my problems. "

Agnosticism is not rare. Anytime we judge we are playing God – since there can only be One God, and it isn’t us, we are agnostic in that moment. 

In childhood, we start developing these obsessions as stress mounts and we are not shown how to deal with them in a spirituality healthy manner. 

Obsessions arise to compensate for the pain of the God separateness (agnosticism) which develops so early. 

Many of us have been severely traumatized and have been left with no adequate defense against what awaits us in the "Stream of Life" - the continuing onslaught of injustices. 

When overwhelmed in the stream, we become unable to make positive contribution to it and so others must suffer through our selfishness  - or else fail, as we have to suffer theirs. Most of us live unwittingly continuing to harm others while being harmed.

"Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time?
Or were we thinking of what we could do for
others, of what we could pack into the stream of life?"

Not showing us how to deal with life properly, in a spiritual manner, is the failing of our parents who themselves had been let down by their own parents. (Seeing that this is a legacy of horror passed down through us unwittingly is what opens up the door of forgiveness to us for “they know not what they do”) 

Food and sex obsessions both have their beginnings in childhood.  They are passed on from parent to child.  These are the toughest of all to conquer - usually the last to go too.  

The accounting principles of LIFO - standing for last in, first out - applies. It means that the most recently acquired obsessions are usually the first to be expelled through spiritual means. That is one of the reasons willful efforts to modify behaviors, the kind that is sold through secular psychologies and addictions counselors,  ultimately fail; they are always in opposition to spiritual principles such as this one. Even those which claim to be supportive to spiritual ideas will fail to provide the real solution.

"The idea that somehow, someday he will control and
enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every
abnormal drinker."

Whether it be judging others, stamp collecting or crack smoking – pornography, relationships, or pasta fazool  - the only way to be rid of the need for obsessive compensations for anything is to reunite with God.

Bummer, I know - but take heart. To the degree that a human being develops growing conscious contact with God do all of his subconscious, obsessive compensations fall away.  They just aren't needed anymore because there is no need for solutions which have no problems to solve. 

Them food and sex addictions, fixations to judging and dependencies upon reliance upon others? Fin!  

Peace and  Love,

Danny S – RLRA

Real Live Recovered Alcoholic

http://stepelevencomesalive.blogspot.com/

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Deflation of Ego - Leveling of Pride

The true value of a human being is determined by the measure and the sense in which they have obtained liberation from the self. We shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if humanity is to survive."
-Albert Einstein, 1954

Narcissistic attitudes and behaviors abound
as we step on the toes of just about anyone
 touching our lives – family, friends and loved ones.  

Pride is what happens when ego is put in charge of assessing its own value. There is a conflict of interest. “Self-esteem”  (Ego-self’s  valuation of its own worth) and Pride are one in the same.

When we cultivate ‘self-esteem’ in ourselves or others we are also teaching how to be prideful - by giving permission to judge - to play God. This is exactly what Ego always looks to do.

Our true value can only be correct when it is rightly earned – not installed by such an untrustworthy entity as 'self' - that dark nature that will settle for nothing less than becoming God.

Pride is the downfall of every alcoholic. If you are one then you have formed an unearned and undeserved image of yourself that you have cherished and protected. The world calls it “Self’-esteem”. Being convinced that this unmerited and elevated ‘self’—esteem is a good and necessary part of your personality -  has encouraged you to foolishly cultivate it.

To develop lifestyle that supports and maintains your own creation of a you for the world to see is easy to do. In a world where nearly everyone is a "mini-Creator" similarly engaged in their own narcissist existence, you will be applauded for your "self-esteem". It will be seen as a positive attribute, being mistaken for confidence.  But confidence only comes through God-consciousness - not self-consciousness. 

As you mistook one for the other, you were able to fit right in with the rest of the world; which similarly pursues activities, people and situations that help build false and exaggerated personal icons of self.

We feel as though we had been placed in a
position of neutrality - safe and protected.

When we deny the self of the judgment-food it needs to over-inflate its self-worth the ego cannot help but shrink to its proper size. This is one of the precepts of spiritual living – the kind laid out in the blueprint for daily life proposed by the co-founders of Alcoholics Anonymous.

They suggest that the alcoholic needs to experience a “deflation of ego” – a deep leveling of pride in order to awaken and to be placed in a  position of neutrality that has become known as being a “recovered alcoholic”.

This is a safe place from where the alcoholic should not sit in admiration of accomplishment but rather it is a starting platform from where he first begins his spiritual growth toward perfection.

Peace and  Love,

Danny S – RLRA

Real Live Recovered Alcoholic

http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com

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Meditation & Brain

Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Therapy (MBSR) is a meditation program developed by John Kabat-Zinn and researchers at Harvard Medical School to help people living with chronic pain. Central to this form of meditation is a focus on the breath to bring the mind back to the present moment when it wanders off. Over time, this leads to greater conscious control over attentional focus, such that more primitive alarm responses are less able to control our thoughts and behaviors.The final goal of the meditation training is to integrate present-moment awareness into every aspect of daily life.

Research over the past 10 years or so has begun to show how meditation may change the brain and improve mental and physical well being.

Improved Immune Response

A 2003 study by Richard Davidson and colleagues, with healthy employees, showed that 8 weeks of meditation practice changed the pattern of electrical activity in the brain. There was greater activation in the left hemisphere among meditators than people assessed at the same time who did not have meditation training (control group). The researchers also looked at immune response to an influenza vaccine and found that the meditator group had more antibody titers to the vaccine than the control group, indicating better immune functioning. These benefits lasted for months after the intervention.

Changes in the Brain's Grey Matter

A more recent controlled study showed that meditation was associated with increased grey matter in the hippocampus, which is responsible for learning and memory, and decreased grey matter in the amygdala, which is the initiator of the brain's pre-cortical alarm system. These physiological changes parallel the theory that meditation increases conscious control over emotional, behavioral, and attentional response to threat.

Reduced Pain Sensitivity

Researchers are also beginning to show that meditation can change the way we experience pain. Chris Brown and colleagues at the University of Manchester showed that a Mindfulness Meditation course led to less unusual activity in areas of the prefrontal cortex when subjects expected to receive a painful stimulus (such as a small elecric shock or contact with a hot object). Those who meditated reported finding the pain less unpleasant as well.

Shift From Negative to Positive Affect

Patients in another mindfulness study demonstrated significantly greater changes in brain electrical activity from activation in the right to the left cortical  hemisphere, from before to immediately following meditation and several months later, compared to a control group. This pattern of brain activity is associated with a shift away from negative and towards more positive emotional experience. In other words, mindfulness meditation regimen appeared to help people to experience more positive emotions such as love, compassion, or contentment.

Does a Briefer Intervention Work?

One reason why people resist meditating is the time it takes. The original protocol involved eight weeks of mindfulness training sessions plus 45 minutes a day of at-home practice. At the beginning, many people find it difficult to sustain attention on the breath for that length of time. Logistical and time considerations make patients more hesitant to sign up or result in dropout. A briefer intervention that could be used more widely in hospital, employee wellness, and outpatient mental health settings might be more cost-effective and palatable to patients.

A very recent study published in the journal Psychological Science shows that a briefer meditation protocol cal produce similar changes in cortical activity. Researcher Christopher Moyer and his colleagues at the University of Wisconsin-Stout assigned subjects at random to either a 5-week Mindfulness Meditation group or to a group put on a waiting list for services. Data showed people in the meditation group practiced at home a couple of times a week for about 25 minutes each time, on average. These meditation subjects showed the same changes in cortical activity as those who got the full intervention in earlier studies; that is, a significant increase in left hemisphere cortical activation. The waiting list group did not demonstrate these changes. This is an exciting finding, since it suggests even shorter meditation periods can significantly increase positive emotional experience in the brain.

Below are some instructions for a basic breath awareness meditation. Do this once or twice a day for 2 weeks and observe what happens. There is no right or wrong way to do it. Try to accept whatever your individual experience is.

Simple Breath Awareness Meditation Instructions

• Pick a comfortable, quiet place where you will not be disturbed
• Sit with the spine upright on a cushion on the floor or a chair. If you use a chair, make sure your feet are touching the ground.
• Begin to notice your breathing. Try to maintain an open and curious attitude. Notice where the breath goes when it enters and leaves your body.
• Do not try to change the breath in any way. It may change naturally as you observe it.
• If your mind wanders away, note what it is doing, than gently bring your attention back to the breath.
•  Continue observing the breath for 15-20 minutes.

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Quieting the Monkey Mind with Meditation

In meditation circles you'll often hear the term "monkey mind." The "monkey" refers to how our primate relatives are able to swing from one branch to another with awe-inspiring skill. Similarly, our minds bounce from one idea to another, but rather than inspire awe, the activity often fills us with anxiety. Our thoughts sway from fear on one end to desire on the other, and we can rarely focus on either for very long.

Meditation quiets the monkey mind. While there are probably as many types of meditation as there are things to fear and wish for, all techniques are based on a system of repetition and focus. In this post, I'll provide simple steps to start a meditative practice right away.

The Set-up

Although some meditative traditions have very strict rules regarding how your posture should appear, what you should wear, and what your environment should look like, I like to keep things simple. In my private therapy practice and in mindfulness workshops, I teach participants that their meditative environment and their bodily alignment should support their ability to maintain focus. How that appears is different for every individual. But if you're looking for guidelines, I recommend that you find a comfortable space where you can relax. Quiet places are best for beginners. Next, sit in a chair or on a cushion and maintain an upright position that keeps your spine straight. If you sit in a chair, using a back support is fine if you need it.

Meditation Two-Step

The first technique is what I call the, "I am peaceful" meditation. Here you'll repeat a mantra, which is a word or phrase that follows your breathing patterns. By paying attention to your inhales and exhales, your breathing naturally slows down.

The "I am peaceful" practice is as follows:

1. While inhaling, say to yourself "I am" 
2. While exhaling, say to yourself "peaceful"

If you've never done this before, you'll quickly realize that focusing on "I am peaceful" is easier said than done. You'll find your thoughts headed down memory lane or shifting into the future. Your body may fidget as if a can of worms suddenly opened up in your back pocket. When this happens, which is inevitable, just return to your mantra. When the monkey mind distracts you, use both your breath and the "I am peaceful" phrase as anchors to draw you back to the present practice.

Take the Kind and Gentle Approach

Remember,meditation is a practice that develops focus and it does this through relaxing the body and mind. If your mind wanders, don't be critical of yourself. Harsh words are anything but relaxing, which defeats the purpose of this act of self-care. Even if your mind wanders, you'll still feel the effects of meditation. It takes time and patience, but with consistency, staying focused will become easier and easier. Over time, you'll be rewarded with a peace that surpasses all understanding.

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Mindfulness & Physical Suffering

We'd like to be forever free from physical discomfort, but we're in bodies and they get injured, sick, and old. The good news is that the Buddha prescribed some medicine—mindfulness—to help ease that physical discomfort. Mindfulness is not a miracle pill, but it is a miracle practice, meaning that, over time, we can learn to respond skillfully to the inevitable physical suffering that comes with being in bodies.

Bodily discomfort has three components:

1.       The unpleasant physical sensation itself (pain, aching muscles, fatigue).

2.       Our emotional reaction to that discomfort (anger, frustration, fear).

3.       The thoughts that are triggered by the discomfort (the stress-filled stories we spin that have little basis in reality, such as, "This pain will never go away," "I'll never be happy again," "I've ruined my partner's life").

Note that two of the three components that make up our experience of bodily discomfort are mental in origin! These two mental components are often referred to as "mental suffering." They can make our physical suffering worse because mental reactions are felt in the body.

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is the practice of paying careful attention to what is happening in the present moment, whether it be a sight, a sound, a taste, a smell, a sensation in the body, or mental cognition (this latter includes emotions and thoughts). Mindfulness is called a practice because it takes practice: our minds tend to dwell in the past and the future.

You don't need to be meditating to practice mindfulness. Right now, stop and take three or four conscious breaths, feeling the physical sensation of the breath as it comes in and goes out of your body. There. You've just practiced mindfulness!

Notice that while you were engaging in this conscious breathing, your mind wasn't dwelling in the past or the future. You may have been aware of a sound, a smell, a bodily sensation other than the breath, an emotion, a thought. Meticulous attention to whatever is happening in the present moment is the essence of mindfulness. The sensation of the breath is often used as an anchor because breathing is always present in the moment.

How can mindfulness help ease physical suffering?

With practice, mindfulness calms and steadies the mind. This is beneficial because when we're experiencing physical discomfort, our minds often churn with stressful emotions and thoughts, but they're a muddy blur—we can't sort them out. With mindfulness, the "mud" settles so we can see more clearly which allows us to identify what emotions and thoughts are present in our minds at the moment. "Ah, this is anger." "This is fear." "This is a worry-filled thought about the future." With this clearer view, we can make skillful choices about how to respond to these emotions and thoughts—choices that will lessen our overall suffering.

Stressful emotions. Our habitual reaction to physical discomfort is some form of resistance and aversion, such as frustration or anger. By practicing mindfulness, we can counter that habitual response with one that's more skillful.

For example, if we're in pain, aversion in the form of frustration may arise. We have two choices. We can let that habitual response brew and get stronger; this not only increases our mental suffering, but it often increases our physical pain because the muscles surrounding the pain tighten in response to our frustration. Or, we can respond to our frustration by mindfully acknowledging it and beginning to incline our minds toward kindness and compassion for ourselves. (After all, who doesn't get frustrated at times?)

Once we begin to treat ourselves with kindness, we can calmly and gently examine the actual physical sensation. It's not a solid block of discomfort. We may feel waves of sensations, some of which may even be pleasant. We may notice some heat, some pulsating, some tingling. Using mindfulness to examine physical sensations reveals their ever-changing nature. This helps break up the sense that our whole being is only the discomfort.

Having noticed that the physical sensation keeps changing, we can reflect that our frustration is impermanent too. It arose but it will pass. This recognition alone weakens its grip on us.

Stressful thought patterns. At a meditation retreat in the 1990s, the Buddhist nun, Ayya Khema, told us, "Most thoughts are just rubbish, but we believe them anyway." Becoming mindfully aware of the stories we spin about our physical discomfort quiets and steadies the mind so that the "mud" settles and we can see the thoughts more clearly. Then we have a choice. We can continue to blindly believe them or we can calmly assess their validity. Are you absolutely sure you'll never be happy again or that you've ruined your partner's life? Early on in my own illness, I believed both these thoughts, neither of which turned out to be true.

Letting go of stress-filled stories that have little or no basis in fact is a tremendous relief. A smile might even appear on your face as you acknowledge the convoluted stories the mind can spin. As Buddhist teacher, Jack Kornfield, likes to say, "The mind has no shame."

Mindfulness calms and steadies the mind so we can respond more skillfully to stressful emotions and thoughts. This, in turn, eases our physical suffering because we're not adding mental suffering to it. As the wonderfully blunt Zen teacher, Joko Beck, said: "What makes life so frightening is that we let ourselves be carried away in the garbage of our whirling minds. We don't have to do that."

Mindfulness is the best medicine for not doing that.

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