Can An Alcoholic Find 'Center'?

"Continue to watch"

Has it ever bothered you that it is so easy for others to "piss" you off? Have you ever cringed at a memory or thought to yourself that the very sound of a person’s voice “Makes my skin crawl”?

That is because responding with bitterness, even just once - even the tiniest bit, allows ego to feast on the force of anger.  We automatically lose our emotional stability the moment it happens. After that we become increasingly sensitized and more subject to our surroundings and past memories.

Once the train is set in motion, we can longer make right choices. Even the right choice will always prove to be the wrong one to make. 

Someone or something has taken control of us. It could be a boss or a spouse. It might be a parent. It could even be someone we call "friend"; a person who we think of as a trusted confidant; a child perhaps. Seeing our error, resenting our own resentment, only serves to drive us into Depression as we become increasingly angry with our own 'self' for gorging on bitter impatience. Like the overweight fatty who experiences a single 'falter' on their diet -  then tosses all healthy eating away in frustration; we are now condemned to being as fat (resentful) as ever.

Do that and you will know dread.

"We ask especially for freedom from self-will.."

There is hardly a person or object in existence that cannot serve as a source of stress, betraying us; tempting us to fall away from consciousness through indulging in emotional ego–food.

The idea that we must discuss these enduring, incredibly ubiquitous, never ceasing negative emotions with someone every-time they crop up becomes an absurdity. We would never be off the phone!

This secret, embarrassing sensitivity to others will eventually kill you.

You cannot keep your constant failings to yourself forever. You are not meant to spend a lifetime of multiple written inventories and constant accountability to sponsors and counselors and gurus. That is dependency upon human beings - not God reliance.

Breaking free of captors, of sick devotion to them and finding the way to immunity - a daily centering - quiets the thought-addicted mind and protects against the infectious effect that resentment has.

If not, you cannot help but continue to project it onto those you might otherwise show love. Even upon your children. 

That centering is not an ordinary quietness. It is the original stillness you had when you were a little child - before the pull of the world and the cruelties in it took its toll on you - before you were abused by those who violated your trust. It is a very special stillness that can be rediscovered through a special  form of meditation.

Only when we develop a loyalty to our God vision an experience living from that dispassionate, quiet place in the Sunlight of the Spirit - where grace is, do we truly know what it means to be freed from the bondage of 'self'. Then we might unhitch from the wagon of the inferior ‘self' and reconnect with a superior star – a divine source of power.

Peace and  Love,

Danny S – RLRA

Real Live Recovered Alcoholic

http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com