ALCOHOLIC OBSESSION -- A Piece of Mind

A Quest for Equilibrium

If you have never really understood alcoholic obsession as much as you would like, you will 'get it' now.

It would be great if we could just drink, feel better, then move on with our lives without the need to do it again -- at least not until the next new pain comes along. That might somehow be manageable. Then drinking episodes of drunkenness could be reserved for major traumas like, divorce, job losses, and major disappointments.

Not exactly a healthy way of dealing with problems yet this is exactly what some non-alcoholics do, much to the amazement of the real alcoholic.

The problem for the real alcoholic is that new pains only mount on top of the old, even after alcohol has been applied.

Each new drunk solves nothing as new, current 'problems' mount upon the ever increasing load that is the sum of a growing inventory of resentment, fear and harms.

Not only are un-recovered alcoholics, who have unaddressed grudges and pending amends subject to the painful torment of their past guilt -- but they also suffer from the torrent of bitter emotions running through their current lives, adding fuel to the fire as they continuing to live in an unchanging,  unmanageable state. With the stresses of life still tearing them down, they remain subject to resentment, anger, frustration and fear while still attached to their own ego-self.

Such alcoholics may even glorify in their "un-recovered" status, insisting that recovery is not possible - that "no one ever recovers." They may even hold up their life "in recovery" and always "recovering" lifestyle as if it were some exalted state of human existence. An alcoholics defiant refusal to recover or to even consider its possibility is a simple rebellious denial. It is a dismissal of the experiences of thousands of recovered alcoholics who have come before and a scoffing truth that is of a magnitude that guarantees him misery and a decent into anxiety, depression, physical illness and finally death -- all 'self' induced through a continued basking in their own negative emotions.

Guilt is as inexorable a power as any universal force such as gravity, light, love or hate. As the result of playing God, vis-à-vis resentment fueled judgment; we sense the pursuing pain of it through our conscience.

This unshakably ferocious “hound of heaven” is always nipping at our heels, compelling us to find solutions through the pleasure centers reward circuitry buried in our skulls. When we apply alcohol, it invokes the neurotransmitter anesthetics in the brain that are necessary to blot out the feelings of guilt. This never eliminates them or the source, but removes the consciousness of it. We experience relief because we are now ignorant of the hound chasing us.

The only problem with this is that it is temporary and only a cover-up. The moment we let up on the alcoholic switch, guilt’s tenacity betrays our escape. Continual refreshment is necessary in order to exist without being conscious of guilt.

This repetitive mitigation of guilt keeps pain and pleasure balanced so we can live with some semblance of sanity and helps maintain the appearance that we have “got our shit together”. This continuous cycle of action, beyond our conscious control, is what society terms as addiction.

Maintaining this equilibrium eventually becomes the main object of the alcoholic’s life. Anything that becomes the main object of a life is an obsession. The alcoholic who is dependent upon this in order to live with ease and comfort looses a piece of his mind as he forces a counterfeit peace of mind he knows he does not deserve -- and so he is a slave to whatever processes or substances he can incorporate into his life to grant it. That process is the drinking lifestyle of the common alcoholic.

The coauthors of the magnificent spiritual text, story and how-to book, “Alcoholics Anonymous: The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism” knew that if the resentment problem could be handled than ALL ELSE would correct. We know they knew it when they wrote, " Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stems all forms of spiritual disease . . . . ." (64:3)

Resentment does not stem from spiritual illness -- spiritual illness stems from resentment. The illness is the symptom of the cause -- not the cause of our troubles.

Peace and Love

Danny S – RLRA Real Live Recovered Alcoholic

http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com

Obsession, Resentment