|
|
Lots of us alkies are frequently on the fragile side - many times secretly - but we put up a good front.
Often we have found that we could not trust our own 'trusting' of others (having been screwed in the past by placing dependency upon others - their opinions of us etc) and we end up resenting them. It leaves us weak and legless, afraid to stand up for ourselves - fearful of confrontation and prone to procrastination and social timidity.
Sometimes it seems we have no voice in the world as we become less and less able to speak up to others and stand up for ourselves without unless first fueled by anger.
When we do that the pain of judgment, god-play and God-separation delivers nothing but pain as we recoil from others - becoming even less trusting. We blame them for our growing discomfort when it is really our own inability to deal with them in a loving manner that is the cause of the internal conflict.
Fearing our fellows and walking on eggshells on this earth is not how we are meant to live, is it?
The truth is while many people cannot be trusted - there are those who can be and should be.
We can know. But how?
One benefit of recovery is that the spiritual awakening required not only removes the obsession to drink or drug, it also sets us onto a life-track where we rediscover natural discernment.
Armed with new intuitive understanding, through trusting God, we are shown who can be trusted, who cannot, without
This ability is a God given instinct that animals do not posses -- that only humans have -- and it is a gift we had squandered and set aside in favor of manufacturing our own “self esteem” to levels entirely undeserving, while we were descending into the drinking life. It was a life marred by selfish, self-centeredness -- stepping on the toes of others as they had stepped on ours and then fearing them for the anger they raise in our being.
We were never more connected to the Creator as the day we were first born and we can now move back into that spiritual direction, returning to childlike innocence, even as time marches on for our corporal existence.
Fortunately, once we recover and heal, our God connection reestablishes and we can shed anger and the inclination to hate others. We become resilient to the psychic attacks of others. From our new awakened state we can effect a still, quiet, meditative state where we remain aware and recover continued intuition, discipline, and instinct. These gifts begin to redevelop within and commence to function once again - like it did at one time when we were younger and more innocent.
Confidence (con fi Deo) implies we are always "with God" and that is a spiritually humbling existence of faithfulness that overrides the animalistic, humanly dependent cockiness that so frequently accompanies piousness, religiosity and faux spirituality.
We can gain back our lost vision and all we have to do is.......... CHANGE COMPLETELY! That only comes through first trusting God. It isn't easy but it is so simple and one way that it happens is through the spiritual awakening afforded through Big Book version of the Twelve Steps. It really does!
0 comments:
Post a Comment